Parenting - Negative Emotions

Emotions are the 'Feelings' evoked due to external stimuli which can be classified as positive as well as negative. Compassion is a positive emotion of feeling for someone's condition where as 'Anger' is a negative emotion.

Our ability to control & manage Emotions decides our material and spiritual progress which is referred as 'Emotional Intelligence' (EI) in modern psychology. Many research studies have shown EI played a bigger role than IQ for those who climbed corporate ladder very fast.

The negative emotions which has destructive effect on health as well as EI are:

Jealously, Greed, Anxiety, Lust, Fear, worry, anger, hatred, arrogance etc. The positive emotions are:

Sympathy, empathy, compassion, love etc.

When the child is born its mind is blank and cannot generate any of the emotions. It is full of innocence and closer to divine. All the emotions are conditioned and programmed by the parents. For example when we ask the child to be first in class we teach 'jealousy & hatred'. By chasing the child for scoring marks we teach them 'Fear & anxiety'. Most of the other emotions like 'anger' is learned by husband & wife abusing each other.

Parents have no malicious intention but still damage the personality of their child ending up with a bundle of emotions with poor Emotional Intelligence'. Beware of these emotions and groom your child carefully.

With whole of my heart 

NC

Essential Lessons of Life

On an average we spend about 20 years in education collecting many information which has very limited shelf life and practical application for progressing materially and otherwise. The primary purpose of education is "Qualification" as once Rajneesh said "All 'Qualified' people need not be 'Educated'. As we saw people like 'Ramakrishna Paramahansa' were not 'Qualified' but 'Educated'!!

One very critical lesson 'How to live life' was not covered in any education pursuits. Here is a story told by Adi Sankara:

"A learned scholar was sitting in a boat crossing a river which was rowed by an uneducated villager. The scholar wanted to show off his literacy asked the boatman "Have you read Ramayana?" The boatman said 'No' for which the scholar said "you have wasted half of your life". Then the scholar asked "Have you read Bhagwad Gita" for which the boatman replied 'No'. The scholar arrogantly said "Then you have wasted three fourth of your life".

Before the scholar could ask the next question, the boatman asked the scholar "Can I ask you a question?" The scholar proudly said "Yes go ahead". The boatman asked "Swami, have you ever learned swimming?" 

The scholar replied "No, but why are you asking this question?" The boatman said, "You have wasted whole of your life by not learning swimming because this boat was leaking since sometime and going to sink. I will swim & save myself and God bless you with all your knowledge."

This story illustrates the point that "We collect many information through education and misunderstand that they are knowledge - 'Education & knowledge are not one and the same". If information is knowledge then Google is the most knowledgeable entity in the universe".

There are vast majority of lessons we should have been learned from parents & teachers which are essential for Life like the boatman said in the story above. I have compiled few that came to my mind for which you may like to add many. I welcome you to add that comes to your mind. We will discuss each one of them in detail later:

Here is the list of key lessons of life:
1. Has anyone taught us 'How to eat without creating noise from our mouth?
2. Has anyone taught us how to keep our voice low in a public place?
3. Has anyone taught us how to listen when someone talk?
4. Has anyone taught us how to avoid interrupting when someone is talking to us and wait for our turn?
5. Has anyone taught us how to behave responsibly in a public place?
6. Has anyone taught us how to use public properties in a responsible way?
7. Has anyone taught us what punctuality means and how it affects our image & commitment?
8. Has anyone taught us how to walk in the walkway without dashing and or crossing the person coming in front of us?
9. Has anyone taught us how we should stand in Q without grabbing others opportunity?
10. Has anyone taught us how to move in an orderly manner when you board or getting down from a plane or bus without pushing others?
11. Has anyone taught us how to manage our body odour which can cause embarrassment to others around?
12. Has anyone taught us how to react to Toilet noises?
13. Has anyone taught us how to develop conversation with a stranger?
14. Has anyone taught us how to behave during a picnic?
15. Has anyone taught us How to dress for a given occasion?
16. Has anyone taught us how to start & finish a telephone call?
17. Has anyone taught us how to let wind in public both ways - up & down?
18. Has anyone taught us how & why to keep the toilet clean after use in a plane for the use of the other person?
19. Has anyone taught us the importance of not littering the public place?
20. Has anyone taught us about personal hygiene? Say keeping nails short and clean?
21. Has anyone taught us about shaving & grooming ourselves and its importance?
22. Has anyone taught us what are the dress codes- formal, informal, semi formal or casuals means and chose for the occasion?
23. Has anyone taught us when to wear suite and when to wear blazer?
24. Has anyone taught us what is the colour combination of your belt & shoes?
25. Has anyone taught us how to restrain our greed for food and its implication on our personality?
26. Has anyone taught us how to avoid wasting food?
27. Has anyone taught us how to build relationship?
28. Has anyone taught us how much distance to keep while talking to someone?
29. Has anyone taught us what is argument and and how to avoid it?
30. Has anyone taught us how to show respect to our elders and seniors?
31. Has anyone taught us the 'How to stay calm & composed?'
32. Has anyone taught us how to keep up our commitment & while missing it how it affects our image?
33. Has anyone taught us 'How to be compassionate to animals'?
34. Has anyone taught us how not to rush into the elevator and getting out like a local train?
35. Has anyone taught us how to be courteous to other people in the elevator after selecting our floor?
36. Has anyone taught us when to make eye contact and why not to satire ?
37. Has anyone taught us how to greet someone or shake hands?
38. Has anyone taught us how to start a conversation with a 'small talk'?
39. Has anyone taught us how to balance 'talking & listening' during any conversation?
40. Has anyone taught us how to stop boring the other person with too much of 'me & my problems?'
41. Has anyone taught us how to make any conversation mutually interesting?
42. Has anyone taught us how to stop this 'Me first' attitude to grab all opportunity for ourselves?
43. Has anyone taught us how to show some kind gestures when someone need help? Eg. Helping someone struggling to lift their luggage in the plane?
44. Has anyone taught us 'how & when to smile?
45. Has anyone taught us how to be humble?
46. Has anyone taught us how softly speak without shouting?
47. Has anyone taught us 'why not to violate traffic discipline'?
48. Has anyone taught us how & why to share while eating?
49. Has anyone taught us 'how to recognise our own foolish paradigms & unlearn at appropriate time in life?
50. Has anyone taught us 'how to be happy for no reason?'
51. Has anyone taught us how to recognise our negative thoughts and expel them?
52. Has anyone taught us how to handle 'put downs' & 'bullying' by some one without sulking?
53. Has anyone taught us how to watch our 'negative attitude' and make course corrections?
54. Has anyone taught us about the ill effects of anger and how to control it?
55. Has anyone taught us how to handle fear response and overcome it?
56. Has anyone taught us what is stress and how to minimise it?
57. Has anyone taught us how to forgive and forget when someone hurts you?
58. Has anyone taught us the ill effects of harbouring hatred upon others?
59. Has anyone taught us the ill effects of jealousy & greed and how to handle them?
60. Has anyone taught us the effects of anxiety & worry and how to banish them?
61. Has anyone taught us how to handle difference in opinions to sustain relationship?
62. Has anyone taught us what is gratitude and how to express it?
63. Has anyone taught us what is 'Love' and how it has to be expressed & be unconditional?
64. Has anyone taught us what is self esteem and how it affects our personality?
65. Has anyone taught us what's the source of motivation and how to be intrinsically motivated?
66. Has anyone taught us 'what are mental blocks in us and how to overcome them?
67. Has anyone taught us what's meditation & how it can transform our well being?
68. Has anyone taught us about the universal connectivity and the presence of a supernatural entity?
69. Has anyone taught us when to trust & when to suspect?
70. Has anyone taught us where to be serious & when to be playful.
71. Has anyone taught us the the futility of material pursuit for happiness?
72. Has anyone taught us how to be playful at work and have fun when we play?
73. Has anyone taught us what is death and how to embrace it gracefully?
74. Has anyone taught us how to be a good team player?
75. Has anyone taught us what's leadership & how to develop the qualities of a leader?

With whole of my heart
NC

Civilization - An Outlook

I was always keen to understand what civilization means and where it is taking us?

I wish to share my views through a real Life Experience with MASAI tribe in Africa:

I travelled in Tanzania recently in a Safari through the most famous jungle called Serangatti" which is full of wild animals. It is a place preserved for natural inhabitant which are mostly Wildebeest, Lions, Antelopes, Elephants, Giraffe etc. No inhabitation of people is permitted here except a tribe called "Masai" who have struck a perfect balance with the nature with its bounty of wild animals. Seeing Masai, I am reminded of how human beings would have lived during Stone Age.

Please see the pictures below before you read further.

Meera (my wife) & Sashi (my daughter) with Masai

Ganesh (my son) with Masai

Masai Home

Masai School

Masai Children in school

I happened to visit one of the 'Masai' hamlet which comprises of about 180 people living in about 20 huts fenced to demarcate their territory and to protect them from animals. These 180 people have formed a community which is dependent on mutual cooperation for survival. It reminds me of Sri. NanaJi Deshmukh, a nonagenarian visionary from Deendayal Research Institute with whom I had a privilege to work with. He is a social reformist who proposed a concept called "Swavalamban" which, means 'Self-Reliance" of village in India. NanaJi said 'Integral Humanism is the way of cooperative living. I found his philosophy working with Masai tribe.

Masai live in a cramped hut (please see picture) with a special shape entrance may be to prevent entry of animals to grab their child. I tried getting into their hut which was an adventure by itself!. The hut is about 15 SFT which has no window and pitch dark inside. There are two small beds made out of twigs one for parents and one for their children. In the middle of the house they have wood stove where cooking was going on making the hut as hot as an oven. I could not stay there more than 5 minutes due to claustrophobic feeling. I was reflecting how we are living in a comfortable AC apartment and complain about everything. "We are comfortably miserable". I realized it is not the physical comfort that makes us happy which was abundantly provided by science.

They have a school (please see picture) made out of twigs in a muddy floor with 20 kids of 3 to 7 years old being taught English & their tribal language by a 'Masai'. I could not stop tears rolling down in my cheek when I saw those innocent kids with mud all over their body reciting 1 to 10 proudly to impress us. I was reflecting the luxurious education we are providing to our children but still perennially dissatisfied about unborn future. I noticed a charm in the face of Masai children with twinkling innocent eyes which is the reflection of their incorruptible mind. 

While this walk through of innocent people community, I was reflecting in my mind 'Who are most civilized 'We or Masai?' The lessons I learned from Masai is as follows:

1. Civilization does not mean wearing suit and greedily running behind money. Our attire does make us 'Civilized'. Living with mutual cooperation is nature's plan as we see all animals of same kind live together. It is not the physical togetherness matters but alignment in mind does. Civilization made us to carry the dagger to win.
2. It is not the possession that makes us happy. Civilization took away our peace from us and provided lots of gadgets. Masai don't have cell phone & Wifi but still happy & effective.
3. We were entertained with courtesy by the Masai with the belief 'Athiti Devo Bhava'. I found true love for visitors which was not faked. Civilization made us 'fake' in most of our dealings in the name of "Personality ethics".
4. Masai people were submerged in mud all over their body but still they were healthy. But we carry disinfectant all the time but still pick up virus. It reminds me the fact we have born from Earth, live in earth and buried in earth like a lotus flower born, grown and dies in water. Civilization made us to feel hygienic and became unnatural in everything. We go to spa and get 'mud bath' to recover from stress. Alas where civilization took us.
5. Masai were seen with their shaven head (both men & women) wearing an identical clothing in RED colour with a stick in their hand. When we asked why RED colour they answered the animals are scared of red. This proves the point 'Knowledge is gained by observation'. I was reminded of Japanese industry practice of uniform for all employees to align their thinking. Civilization did not bring us together but divided us by colour of skin, religion, caste, creed, language, wealth and so on.
6. There is no hospital in 100 km surroundings but Masai are healthy & living very long. When I asked how do they treat when they are sick. He said they know which herbs cure what disease and above all they rarely fall sick. Civilization gave us BP, Diabetics, heart disease which is not found in Masai!! Disease is the result of comforts and non alignment with nature. Disease is 'Dis' 'ease' with nature.
7. Lastly, Masai grow life stock with them which are goats & cows. Although they live in the middle of wild life they never kill any of them for food and solely rely on their own home grown animals. This shows their respect for Nature. Civilization made us to destroy elephants for Ivory, Rhino for horn, tiger for skin and so on. Our endless greed is destroying this planet progressively. We hunt for our entertainment and create imbalance in nature and screw up.

In summary, Masai's are truly civilized. Where are we heading?

With whole of my heart.
NC