NC's Blog

Friday, August 5, 2011

Kindle Life – Food Management – Episode:5

Why Food Management?

Ever since we have born, the body is with us and hence we find extremely difficult to identify this entity, taking it for granted and often neglect it. There is a famous saying “The Fish finds the water the last”. The fish is born in water, lives in water and dies in water. This means that only when the fish is out of water, it realizes how important water for its existence. Extending this wisdom, I wish to quote “Human beings find health last when it is Lost!”

We are healthy by default which means that in a life span of 70 years, we are healthy almost 99.99% of the time leaving certain exceptions. The data shows that the nature’s plan is to keep us healthy unless we chose to be un-healthy. My presumption is reinforced by looking at all the species except human being who are healthy all the time. If that is the nature’s plan then why we see so many diseases in the modern world? All those killer diseases like stroke, heart attack, diabetics etc not seen a century ago. As the so called civilization progresses, we see more and more health issues while the animal kingdom is free from all those we experience as they are not yet “Civilized”.

Once Rajneesh said “We recognize our head only when we get headache” and all other circumstances we don’t even recognize that we have something called “Head”. Similarly we recognize our body only when it starts giving trouble. It is not prudent to recognize something when it is lost! There is a proverb in Tamil which says “You need the wall to draw a picture” which is said in the context of the human body which is needed to achieve anything in life, whether material or spiritual.

I wish to refer an incidence reported in the life of Lord Buddha:

“Lord Buddha left his princely abode at the age of twenty nine in search of an answer for his quest; why human beings suffer? He went in search of several masters one after the other hoping someone will show him the way. At last someone suggested to him to go without food for several days as the body denied of food will transcend the mind and hence he can get enlightened. After staying away from food for nearly 80 days Lord Buddha became nearly a skeleton and could not even walk across a shallow river. The thought came to his mind that when he cannot even cross this shallow river, how he is going to cross the Samsara Samudra (Ocean of life). That is the moment Lord recognized that this body is needed to support a healthy mind to attain spiritual abode.

There is a famous saying that “We destroy our health to amaze wealth and spend them all over again to recover the health”; whether material or spiritual pursuit we need the temple-the body where the divine soul resides.

The Body – the miracle!

The nature created this whole universe as a “spontaneous organization” which means that it is a self-sustaining mechanism like a rain forest. No one manages a rain forest since it manages itself; the food chain ensures that all animals are under control including the Lion which is the highest rung of the food chain. The unbounded universe with millions of galaxies, creation and destruction of stars are all happening without anyone orchestrating it. In this self-sustaining wonderful universe, human body is also a wonder with millions of sub-systems working in a complex manner without we are not even knowing about it.

For example, are we breathing? No – It is happening! Are we digesting? No – It is happening! Are we beating our heart? No- It is happening! If you go deep into all functions of the body, all are “happening” and none is “doing”. If you see deep into all “happenings”, it is all miracles as we don’t know how? It appears that if these systems are left to the nature they will function in harmony as per the creator’s plan. If that is true why do we see so many diseases in the mankind these days?

What is Disease? – A new Insight:

If you examine the word “disease”, it has two parts “Dis & ease”; which means not in ease with something - It means “non-alignment” with the nature. Disease is the outcome of non-alignment with the nature. The non-alignment could be in the basic instinct of the species – hunger, procreation, relaxation and self-preservation. I wish to cover few tips about this precious gadget called body under this topic of “Food management?”

TIPS:

Tips-1: Food for survival & not indulgence:

In the ancient days people ate food for survival only but in the modern world, food is in the top of the list of indulgence. In the early Roman Empire, the aristocratic people used to eat full stomach and stimulate vomiting using peacock feather in their throat and get back once again to fill their stomach! This is the pinnacle of human greed for indulgence and food is used to abuse human body. Let us examine how this “dis - ease” leads to disease. In the modern world we don’t eat for survival, but for fulfilling our mind and not body. Obesity is one of the modern killers, the result of over eating. Often, we overeat due to stress and there is no dearth of stress in life and most of them are created by ourselves. It is important to recognize that abusing our body in the name of over eating is foolishness. Let not food become the means for filling our empty feeling of the mind.

Tips-2: Eat only conducive Foods:

The ancient Pathanchali sastra says that the food we eat either enhances or suppresses our pranik energy – the life energy in our constitution. If you develop an ability to listen to your stomach, it will tell you the moment you eat a samosa or potato wada which are killers of our pranik energy. The stomach will tell you “Oh Gosh why have you sent this down?” On the other hand, if you eat a fruit or salad and listen to your stomach, it will tell you its pleasant experience! The simple measure – what is tasty to your tongue is bad for your pranik energy and vice versa.

Tips-3: Vegetarian vs non-vegetarian Food:

I am not covering this topic on religious angle but only on scientific angle. The nature created food for different species which are generally not interchangeable; tiger cannot eat grass and what a crow can eat will be poison for other species. In essence, the nature had created conducive food for all living species in a very well balanced way. One simple fact is all creations except human beings eat the food assigned for them irrespective of taste; the snake eats the rodents, the cow eats the grass and so on. The famous adage “One’s food is another’s poison” fits well with the plan of the nature.

The creations are classified as carnivores and herbivores based on their food either meat or vegetables and very few are Omnivores which eat both. The carnivores which eat meat are found to have canine teeth, intestine less than 16 feet and stomach acids which are capable of melting raw meat. The herbivores which are grass eaters found to have long intestines more than 40 feet and stomach acids which are not capable of melting meat. Human beings belong to herbivores by design and we have found many ways to make the tasteless meat as palatable. When we eat meat it rots in the longer intestine causing health issues.

“I was eating non-vegetarian food for many years from childhood till late thirties and switched over to vegetarian food. I am able to see the difference in my texture of thoughts and actions with both types of food habits. In addition to quality of thoughts, I am able to see a vast difference in my health while I switched over to vegetarian food. Few years back I suddenly started eating non-vegetarian food to quench my professional stress. My whole constitution started rebelling, forcing me back to vegetarian food once again. I recognized the fact that food cannot quench my stress – only the mind can!”

Tips-4: Right quantity at right time:

The corporate lifestyle has totally screwed up our healthy eating habits namely to ignore the breakfast & lunch and “eat like a pig at night”. How petrol for a motor car, food is for our body. I like the suggestions by Rijuta Diwekar in her popular book “Don’t lose the mind – lose your weight”. I have been following her tips since last 2 years; here are her tips for healthy eating:

· Meal-1: Immediately after brushing teeth – one plantain fruit and a cup of milk.

· Meal-2: simple breakfast – no tea or coffee

· Meal-3: 11.30 – a fruit or dry fruits or chenna

· Meal-4: 1.00pm – simple vegetarian lunch

· Meal-5: 4.00pm – same as 11.30 snacks

· Meal-6: 8.00pm (2 hours before sleep) – simple vegetarian meal

The underlying principle in the above formula, never make your body to feel deep hunger which is one of the causes of over eating.

Tips-5: Learn to listen to your Hunger:

My pet Maximus (we affectionately call him Max) refuses to eat a gram more than what his constitution needs. Animals have the ability to sense when their hunger ends and stop eating immediately. This faculty of sensing our hunger is lost by human beings and many time our mind eats and not stomach. When Max has stomach trouble it refuses to eat till it is back to normal and feels the hunger. In Sanskrit there is a famous saying “Langanam Parama Oushadam”. This means “fasting is the best medicine for stomach upset”. There is a merit in observing the animals in eating habits as they have no “Dis – Ease” with the nature and hence have least disease.

Tips-6: Follow Pathanchali Sastra:

Benjamin Franklin followed eleven principles in his life and tallied a checklist everyday to remind him to follow them till it becomes his second nature. One of them is “Eat not to fullness and drink not to elevation”. This was told by Pathanchali Muni (Muni is the name given to seers) 5000 years ago. He said that you must half fill your stomach with food, quarter with water leaving the balance with air. This space is needed for when the stomach squeezes the food for digestion so that it does not hit your throat!

In summary,

1. Food is the fuel for our survival only and not a means to indulge and alleviate our stress – It is not a stress buster.

2. Figure out the food which enhances your pranik energy – rest of them are junk food.

3. You are designed as a herbivore – Vegetarian food is your nature’s plan

4. Eat small meals more frequently and keep your stomach empty while you sleep

5. Learn to listen to your hunger and don’t eat a gram more than fulfilling your hunger.

6. Eat not to fullness and drink not to elevation.

God Bless you with a long healthy life

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Kindle Life – Greed Management – Episode:5

In our series Kindle Life we have been examining various negative emotions and their influence in our quality of life. It is easier to define “Quality” in a tangible product like a motor car, but it is extremely difficult to define quality in Life. One simple way we can define Quality in life by taking clue from the nature is “Being in a state of happiness” irrespective of the situation. We go through several miseries in life and half of them are self-inflicted and avoidable. If we carefully examine the nature around us namely the flora and fauna, we find they are in perfect harmony with the creator as they align with the plan of the nature unlike human beings who are always in conflict.

We don’t find blood pressure and diabetes in the animal kingdom as they are prevalent in the human beings who are perennially in a state of incompleteness. I am of the view that the higher intelligence bestowed in human beings namely “Intellect” has been grossly misused to create a web around us which unconsciously shackled the modern race. Happiness is a state of a being and highly independent of our material possession. Let us examine how Greed robs our sense of happiness.

Anatomy of Greed:

Greed, also known as avarice or covetousness, is a sin of excess. However, greed is applied to a very excessive or rapacious desire and pursuit of wealth, status and power. The few other words which have the connotation of GREED are “insatiability”, “self-indulgence”, “desire”, “Craving” and so on. We have a strange expectation that material possessions are only the purpose of our existence. If we examine our own thoughts, we always crave for something which we don’t possess and long for the same, thinking that the moment we possess them we will reach a state of happiness. Very strangely, we don’t see this syndrome in the creations in the lower rung of the evolution namely the plants and animals.

Please don’t misunderstand me that I am saying material pursuit is “Greed”. The excessive desire to possess those leads to the disruption of social balance is often referred as Greed. This planet has witnessed many tyrants like Hitler who managed to kill 7 million people within his life time in pursuit of an unknown and unreasonable desire. This planet also witnessed prophets like Lord Buddha who relinquished all ephemeral indulgences in pursuit of his quest to find an answer for the reasons for our misery. In any stretch of imagination, no modern man will be willing to relinquish the pleasures Gautama was bestowed by his father. May be if Gautama would have lived only for those carnal desires, we may not even remembering him now as we don’t remember our own great grand-father who lived few centuries ago!! People are remembered not for their greed but for the absence of it.

Effect of Greed:

There must be a merit in learning about Greed management before we discuss how to do it. All of us pursue our dream right from our formative years. The desire to become somebody was instilled by our parents by asking us the mundane question, ”what do you want to become?”. Most of us responded to this question very innocently “I want to become a pilot or a doctor or an engineer” and so on. We did not know what these positions are when we answered their question; only we knew was that we should become “somebody” when we grow. After we passed that innocent childhood, our journey of chasing the material wealth has started which is like holding the “tiger’s tail”. Once you hold the tiger’s tail, you have to hold it till you die or the tiger dies! If you leave it in between, the tiger can kill you!

Initially all of us felt that few alphabets after our name will make us look better in the eyes of our society and chased our degree. I grew up in the Tamilnadu where number of degree is directly proportional to you are looking good in the eyes of the people! We have started living not for ourselves but for the “non-existent entity” called “society”. People around us are busy in looking themselves in the mirror and have no time to see us; but still they exist as an important entity in our life influencing many of our decisions. The anecdote happened in my own life will illustrate this point:

“I pursued my education finishing my degree in engineering and post-graduation at IIT till I was 38 years of age and my daughter was 10 years old. My dream was to add “Doctor” at the beginning of my name although Swami Shukhabodananda calls “PhD” as “Permanent Head Damage”. I approached my classmate in M.Tech who became a professor in Bombay IIT to admit me as his doctoral student. He asked me a simple question “Whom are you trying to prove by this pursuit?” This question hit me hard for me to introspect, am I trying to do something for myself or for proving to the society? – I chose to stop my educational pursuits and focused on my career and family and I am happy about my decision!”

We don’t know when the desire to possess becomes greed; all that it does is put us in a perennial vicious circle of indefinite postponement of happiness. We have started believing that “if I get a good job, I will be happy”; “I will marry a beautiful girl, I will be happy”, If I have house of my own, I will be happy”; “once I retire, I will be happy” and so on. In essence, we found a recipe for postponing our happiness linking with our material possessions. It is like hanging a bunch of grass in front of the horse in the cart; the horse will keep moving to eat the grass and will never reach the same!

Am I advocating not having ambitions? No way! I am only suggesting let not ambition lead to greed and postponement of your happiness. All that happiness needs is your decision to be happy wherever you are and whatever you possess. Please don’t link happiness with material progress as there is no cause and effect relationship exist between them.

Greed & Performance:

All of us know that if we don’t perform our “personal equity” will not improve which decides our market value. Our performance is a function of our “attitude-knowledge & skills”. As companies performance improves their share value of the enterprise also improves, our personal equity is a function of our engagement and contribution to the company we are working for. Greed plays an important role in our “Equity” – let us see how?

“I have been recruiting people for our consulting firm in the recent past where I see the first information in the CV is how many jobs the guy has changed? I consider this as a dip stick to measure his “GQ – the Greed Quotient”. If he has not stayed in a job more than one year, he/she is unlikely to make any difference to the organization as his first question is “what is the package?”

Thanks to the software industry which has significantly improved the GQ of the modern youth particularly in India. I hear from the companies I consult that “we have no guarantee of a guy gone for lunch in the food court to come back as he might have been offered 10% raise by our competitors!”

The popular psychological test carried on children known as “Marshmallow test” revealed the relationship between performances of any individuals with their Greed Quotient. The test conducted by the scientists follows:

“25 children chosen for this test were 3 years of age were assembled in a room where Marshmallow ice cream was kept in many cups. The children were told that the facilitator will go out and come back after half an hour. Any children who can wait till then will get two cups of ice cream and those who cannot wait will get only one! As expected very few children waited till the facilitator came back. They could control their craving for eating and were found well balanced and centered. The children’s performance in school and later in employment were tracked and correlated with their GQ. The research shown that those who have control on their greed are the star performers.”

This is an illustration that our GQ has a bearing on our performance and in turn with our personal Equity.

How do we manage our Greed Instinct?

Shri. Ramakrishna Paramahansa has explained the mechanism of happiness through a beautiful story:

“A dog was running around for food in the forest looking for a dead animal carcase left over by the Lions & tigers. Normally it used to find one and strangely one day it could not find any. It continued its search for several days and was in vain. It was almost in a state of dying found a bone dried off and did not have any flesh in it. But the hungry dog in its state closer to death, hurriedly went and bit the bone greedily. Suddenly the blood was flowing from the bone! The dog was extremely happy to lick the blood thanking God for His kindness. In fact the blood came from the tearing of the mouth of the dog and not from the bone! Still the dog did not know the source but felt happy thinking that the blood is from the external source.

Similarly, our anxiety to possess material objects creates a vibration in our mind and stays till we possess them! The moment we possess them, the vibration or source of disturbance settles down in our mind creating a temporary sense of happiness. Like the dog we conclude that the happiness is due to the object while it is the result of temporary settlement of disturbance in our mind. The moment one gratification is satisfied the mind immediately ignites the next one and the chase starts.

As Chimayananda often questions “If the colour television gave you the happiness on the day of its possession has the ability to make you happy, it must do even after one year? Why it has a diminishing balance of happiness?”

Intellectual appreciation or understanding of the genesis of greed is not enough; it has to be an existential experience of guarding ourselves from the onslaught of greed is needed.

In summary:

Your happiness is independent of your material possessions. There is no cause and effect relationship between them.
If you think material possessions can make you happy, you are heading towards a disaster! They can give you “comfort” but no “happiness”
If name, fame and possessions can make someone happy then Elvis Presley, Michel Jackson and Marlin Monroe have no reasons to commit suicide.
Don’t get mixed up with comfort and happiness. Water bed can improve your comfort but cannot make you happy! On water bed you may be comfortably miserable!
Happiness is a state of your being. Don’t chase it. It is like butterfly which will fly away when you chase it; but sit on your shoulder gently when you ignore it!
Greed is a killer of your happiness; try and distinguish ambition and greed! Ambition beyond the border line becomes greed. You don’t know where the border is!
For happiness you don’t need any stimuli; only thing needed is your decision to be happy now and here!
When you are greedy it affects your performance as you always think “what is there in it for me?” Those who made a difference to this planet like Benjamin Franklin, Mary Curie and Helen Keller were indifferent about their personal agenda.
People who have grown to the pinnacle of corporate ladder or created institutions are those whose GQ is the lowest. They always came out of their circle of concern and operated in their circle of influence.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Kindle Life – Worry Management – Episode:4

Nature has classified food as conducive and non-conducive for every living organism. For example, if human beings consume a certain variety of cactus plant, they will die; whereas the same plant is consumed by camels for their survival. This fits into the famous adage “One’s poison is another’s food”. Anything in nature which is accepted by your constitution (body) is referred to as “conducive” and which is not, is termed as “non-conducive”. This concept of conduciveness and non-conduciveness will help me present to you the contents I wish to, here.

The term “conducive” and “non-conducive” is not only applicable to food, but to emotions as well, which we will discuss in this article and other forthcoming topics. The next question is who decided this and why? It is a difficult question to answer as these are the “Laws of nature” which cannot be questioned; Can we question why all living organisms die? We cannot, because “we don’t know the overall plan of the nature”. I am not using the term “God” and in its place using “Nature” as some atheists may not believe in God but will accept Nature which is the cosmic intelligence that runs this universe.

Anatomy of Emotions:

Let me try to clarify what are emotions before I deal with “Worry management” as it is very important to understand the anatomy of emotions. Ever since we are born till we die, a stream of thoughts run in our mind all the time both during waking and sleeping hours. Among various other things in life, we also do not have any control over the thought current in our mind. As Swami Chimayananda once said we can keep our limbs at rest for a while but not our mind, although both are part of our being! The “Dharma” of mind is to keep itself busy with thought current like “Dharma” of river is to keep the water current.

The emotions are the automatic response of the mind whenever an external stimulus reaches its bosom. If you frown at me, it forms a stimuli captured by my eyes and reaches my mind as an input and the response of the mind is “anger” which is one of the emotions. To sight an analogy, if you type a letter “A” in the keyboard of a computer, it forms an input which is converted as a digital signal, read by the computer and responded by the operating system. Here the input of keyboard is stimuli and the operating system is the mind which processes the stimuli. What is the big deal about learning this?

As we have defined “conducive and non-conducive foods”, we also have “conducive and non-conducive emotions”. For example “Love” and “compassion” are conducive (positive) emotions where as “Worry”, “Anger” etc are non-conducive (negative) emotions. The conducive emotions generate a healthy response from our body’s metabolism whereas the negative emotions lead to decaying effects of our body. Anger for example increases our heart beats and blood pressure and worry leads to stomach ulcer and tooth decay. Over and above destruction of our physical body, the negative emotions also destroy our relationships and hence need to be managed. I wish to discuss one of the negative emotions namely “Worry” in this article and continue with others in the forthcoming articles.

What is Worry?

What is worry? Let me attempt defining “worry” before proceeding with the investigation of its effects on the quality of our life. “Worry is an anxious thought we entertain anticipating a trouble in the future or regretting about an incident of the past”. If we agree with this definition, worry is connected with the unborn future or buried past!

Anatomy of Worry:

It appears that this concept of worry does not exist in the animal kingdom and it is an exclusive right of human beings! I would say it is a unique feature of human evolution as it requires higher intelligence to worry – namely the rationale! Like the feeling of upset, one cannot be productive when they are busy with the worrying thought. In order to appreciate why we are caught up with the habit of worry, we need to understand the anatomy of human personality.

The moment we are born, it is certain that we will die one day! Whether anything else is certain or not, death is certain. Due to the higher intelligence and fear of death, people live with a feeling of insecurity. Due to fear of unborn future, we go around aggrandizing wealth thinking that money will save us future calamities. All these have created a phobia of an un-born future making us to worry about our health, future of our children and so on.

Effect of Worry:

One of the modern day killers is the worry which has many destructive effects on human beings such as tooth decay, hypertension, stomach ulcer etc. How can a thought impact physical health? The physical body reacts according to the mental state. If you are anxious, you breathe faster and if you are cool or meditate, you breathe softly! The body and mind are so interconnected that one influences the other. William James, the greatest psycho-analyst of this century has demonstrated several experiments to show how body and mind respond to each other. Many of us succumb to this silent killer “Worry” without knowing what is happening within us.

Tips to master worry habit:

Live in a “Day tight Compartment”

Scientists have studied about the composition of our thoughts and found that we process an average of sixty thousand thoughts in our waking hours and out of which 80 percent are about our un-born future! Invariably they are anxious thoughts about future. In other words we spend 80% of our time in imagining worst things which might/might not happen in the future. This anxiety may be of bad health, safety of our children gone to school and so on. Invariably we find that 99% of the worst we visualized have never happened in reality! Even then we continue to entertain the worry thoughts helplessly.

We need to learn many things from the animal kingdom to improve our quality of life. In the animal kingdom there is no concept of past and future and the only reality is “present”. The animals are believed to be governed by their instincts; hunger, procreation, self-preservation and rest. As they don’t have the concept of self-awareness as we have, they do not know that they exist! As they do not recognize that they exist, they do not have an idea of death either. In other words, they have no fear of death as we human beings have. This fact leads to the conclusion that they have no desire to aggrandize wealth for securing their future like we do! If there is no concept of future, obviously there is no question of worrying about the same!

If the scientists could find an instrument which can study the pattern of thinking of an animal, we will find that they have no worry thoughts. Even when we examine their behaviour we find that they have no anxiety about their next meal as they are never denied of it as the nature has planned to provide them when they need it! It may not be an exaggeration if I say that they are more confident about the love and compassion of the creator than human beings . The tips is “Learn to live one day at a time”

Trust and surrender to the Nature (God):

In one of the discourses, Sukabodananda refers to the kindness of the creator by referring to the formation of the milk in the mother’s breast when the child is just delivered. We notice that the food nature creates is just-in-time and ideal for the infant to consume and survive. There cannot be a better example than this to re-assure us that nature provides what we need than what we want! A true surrender to the almighty (Nature or God) is the best way to come out of the worry habit. I am of the view “we should not worry about that which cannot be understood and controlled – example “death”. Tips: Surrender to the Lord, he knows the best for you! Whenever you start a worry thought, tell your mind that you have taken the role of the Lord!

Develop a “Habit”

To start with, we need to understand that worrying is a habit like smoking or drinking. In order to manage anything in life, we need to know more about the subject we are trying to manage. If you wish to come out of the habit of worrying, you need to know more about “Worry”. As Stephen Covey said, formation of habits needs three ingredients; Desire, knowledge and skill. Most important ingredient is “Desire” to form a new habit and once it is taken care, the next is “Knowledge” about worry. One of the great thinkers has said that “Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due”. What a great statement it is? Worry is like paying interest on the money which we have never borrowed! This implies that majority of the worst outcomes that we imagined have never happened in reality, but we have already paid the interest by draining our precious time and energy worrying about it! Another great quote I remember is “Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy but takes you nowhere!”

Beware of “Thought Attack”

Having mastered the Desire and knowledge, the next in habit formation is “skill”. To develop a habit of eliminating the worry thoughts is to know when they attack you. As we have heart attack, we have to be aware of “Thought attack”. Whenever we get busy to encourage the worry thoughts about the future, we have to stop entertaining our mind by substituting with a positive assertion saying that the present moments are more valuable for you rather than anxiety of the un-born future!

Allocate a “Worry Hour”

Dr. Richard Carlson in his famous book “Don’t sweat the small stuff; it is all the small stuff” suggests an allotment of “worrying hour in a week”. Tell your mind when the worrying thought hits you that you will take it up in the worrying hour and not now! If you really look at, all these suggestions are nothing but re-education of the mind imitating the animals. If you like, you can surrender all your anxiety to the divine which has brought you here providing the ambience for you to survive in your mother’s womb and created the food you needed when you were just born!

Wish you a worry less life ahead.

In Summary:

· Worry is one of those negative states of a being which ruins your present moment making you ineffective.

· All negative thoughts including worry affect your heath leading to disease. Disease is “Dis” “Ease” with the nature – non-alignment with the plan of the nature.

· Learn to live in the present moment like an animal. Don’t underestimate animals as they have better quality of life as they obey law of nature better than us.

· Worry is a habit like smoking and drinking which can be changed at your will if you desire.

· Don’t wait for the doctor to say that you are terminally ill to change your habits! The will-power what you get that time is already there within you even now.

· New habits can be made if you have desire, knowledge and develop skills.

· By re-education of mind, you can eliminate the worrying habits over a period of time.

· Don’t throw away your invaluable present moment by worrying about an un-born future.

· Remember 99% of the worst future you imagined have never happened! Why continue this wrong habit of worrying?

I Surrender to my Lord for flowing through me to write this article.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Kindle Life: Anger Management – Episode-3

I am qualified to write on this topic as I was the epitome of anger and paid the price than anyone else! Why I chose this topic part of this “Kindle Life” series is, Anger is a disease as common as cold and has several implication in our life both in personal as well as professional. No one can say they don’t know what anger is, because it is one of those evils that the mankind is trying to grapple with for ages.

Definition of Anger

Before analysing the means of anger management, let us understand what we mean by anger. The Oxford dictionary meaning of anger is “Strong feeling of displeasure”. The other connotations of anger are annoyance, irritation, fury, rage, antagonism, resentment etc. In essence anger is one of those negative emotions of human beings which have far reaching consequences than any other.

The Anatomy of Anger

It is often said “If you wish to manage something, you need to understand it”. This may be the reason the first lesson in Medicine is to understand human anatomy. Hence the anatomy of anger is necessary when I am going to discuss the tips for anger management.

There are minimum 3 elements required for anger to manifest; the object (that stimulates anger), the subject (who manifest anger) and the third the manifestation of anger ie the manner in which the anger manifest – may be a frowning, yelling, hurting etc.

I have good news from Psychology that all human beings get angry! Don’t you feel little better now? There are two kinds of anger – imposed and exposed. Exposed anger is when we let off our steam upon the object of anger and imposed anger is suppression of anger within ourselves. This gives us good news that those who are called “Cool headed” are those who are dormant volcanoes. These people do more harm to themselves than those expose anger. Hence, anger management is not only important for those who are “short fuses” but also those “Cool headed” (those who suppresses anger and get into more problems later)

There is famous adage in Tamil “Where there is anger there you find character”. Is it an empty justification for people who display exposed anger? I don’t think so. When a person expresses his discontent he clears his mind then and there. But the person who harbours his discontent without expressing is waiting to settle his score through some other way or may be harming himself by suppressed anger.

I am not advocating for exposed anger which is anyway harmful.

Why Anger Management?

For some unknown reasons all living beings like love & warmth and resent rage form other beings. Some of these in nature can never be questioned as “Why” as they are called Law of nature like gravity – you cannot ask the question, why gravity pulls masses together and not pushes; why water flows from high level to low level and not vice versa? The Law is that which cannot be questioned as “why?” That is the way they are for some unknown reasons! When we are kind with someone they feel closer to us and they hate when we yell at them. Hence, anger creates enemies in our life who will be waiting to hit us back. This is a good enough reason to consider anger management. More than anything else anger is in the top of the list in mastering “Emotional Intelligence”. When we are free of anger it improves our personality and image.

Genesis of Anger:

In my family of eleven I was branded as “short fuse” and everyone was keeping a distance because they did not know when this volcano will erupt! There is hardly anyone I spared in my life who has not come across my rage and my wife Meera was the closest to the crater and negotiated the maximum lava flow! There is no need for any big reason for me to get triggered, as my default mode is anger. I was tolerated during my professional career as I was a star performer and my seniors were kind enough to put up with my idiosyncrasy.

At some point in time, I introspected the origin of my temperament and found few genesis of this hysterical state. One of those is role modelling my dad who was a tyrant during his time and the other is a perennial sense of incompleteness arising out of childhood disappointments. You may ask how about the other off springs of my dad. Ironically it does not happen that all children role model their parents and I inherited my dad’s legacy.

Knowing this genesis of my Arjuna state of consciousness helped me to work on my anger management techniques. I recommend those who wish to mend their anger department to figure out the genesis of their state which helps to weed out the root causes.

Anger Control Vs Anger Management?

I happened to see the movie “Anger Management” recently which gave me deeper insight into this topic than before. First of all why it’s “Anger Management” than “Anger Control” as we have been taught by our elders? We have been advised to count 10 when we are angry and count hundred if we are very angry! In my opinion, anger control is “suppression” and anger management is “eliminating root causes of anger”.

How do we manage anger?

The following tips will empower you to manage anger and help you to master the art of “Anger Management” which enhances your emotional quotient:

Assertive Expression:

Whenever you come across an incident which triggers your anger, try and create awareness that you are unhappy about when someone pressed your “Anger button”. Before bursting into action try expressing your feelings in an assertive manner. The effect of assertive expression produces better response than uncontrolled anger. The following anecdote shall clarify:

“Recently I was travelling in a Norwegian cruise lines in Hawaii island along with my son’s family for a vacation. While we were in the restaurant, one of the waitresses showed a rude behaviour which made all of us angry. After eating the food with lots of resentment, I saw my son declaring that he is going to express his resentment to the restaurant captain. I liked his assertive expression without any sign of anger and it made a deep impact on the captain. In the evening when we returned to my son’s cabin, we found an apology letter along with a bottle of chilled wine and fruit bowl. On the other hand if we would have yelled at the waitress or the captain it would not have produced any effect. It was a happy ending and restoration of our good will to the Norwegian Cruise Lines.

I suggest you to try this assertive expression method whenever you are unhappy about any incidence of other human beings.

Reprimand the action & not the person

Often whenever a person does something which we don’t like, we yell at that person passing judgement. It is important to isolate the person and the act. Assertively expressing the views on the act without passing judgement will make that person to realize and improve their behaviour next time. On the other hand invalidating them will create an enemy which is not worth it.

It is perfectly Ok to get angry with:

Anger is nature’s safety valve for releasing excessive pressure and not to feel bad about it. It is a fact that all incidents and behaviour of other human beings are bound to differ from your way of thinking and doing. If you don’t agree that it is perfectly normal you will have umpteen reasons to get angry. After all we need to admit that it is not our way is always right.

Anger destroys your Image:

As smile decorates your face anger destroys your image. It is important to recognize that people want to be around someone who provides solace to them. Animals want to rest under the trees as it gives them shade to escape from the hot sun. Similarly, we wish to be in the company of the person who provides warmth and love. It is important to deeply programme our sub-conscious mind that it is not a good idea to express an un-controlled anger. Data reveals that no one with uncontrolled anger risen to the pinnacle of the corporate ladder.

Practice makes you perfect:

Watch out for a trigger that makes you angry. You don’t get angry with your pet as much as with your loved ones! Have you ever analysed the reason for this? The real reason is, you have accepted the pet as they are and don’t have any expectations from them except love. When you have unconditionally accepted someone it becomes fun watching them doing what you don’t like as an example, the mother watching the toddler doing many mischiefs. Finally anger management is the re-education of mind and practice like you develop your biceps in the gym.

Jai Gurudev

Love

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Kindle Life – Episode:2 – Theory of Personality Development

After reading my first episode of Kindle Life, one of the readers of my blog asked me when I am going to give the tips and tricks for personality development. I am of the view that there cannot be a "Cook Book" approach for personality development. It is a transformation of a being and not a technique to impress others as Steven Coovy puts it in his book "7 Habits of highly effective people". He calls it "Character ethics & personality ethics. I believe in "Character ethics" which is long lasting and real. In early 50's many books have been written on personality ethics advocating to "smile and call people by names etc" which lead to plastic smile and manipulation of other human beings. They all helped in "Looking Good" and hardly did anything to "Being Good".

I request my readers to be patient as I am suggesting a principle centered approach for personality development which will change the core of our being not intended to teach you any table manners kind of approach which is a cosmetic change and short lived. If others know that we are manipulating them, we have lost them once and for all. This is the folly many service industries are making today by suggesting their employees to smile and call their customers by name etc. This is not customer focus; it is manipulation and not genuine.

Theory of Science:

Before we proceed with the formula for developing our personality, I wish to present few aspects which we need to agree as building blocks. In any endeavour there is a theory or philosophy behind whether it is science or religion. We call it a theory in science and philosophy in religion. In this episode I wish to present the “Theory of personality development”. Let me explain what I am referring to.

Newton proposed the theory of motion with his 3 laws of motion for which he had no proof when he announced it. For example the first law was “Every physical body will continue to be in a state of rest or motion unless it is acted upon by an external force”. Newton could not prove this theory as there was no satellite to show that in a state of zero gravity the object will perennially keep moving without any prime mover! It was a theory when Newton proposed and was proved later.

Similarly, Galileo said the earth is a globe and is moving round the sun as people at that time believed that the sun is moving around the earth which is flat! People were afraid that if they keep walking, they will reach the edge of the earth and may fall down in the abyss. Galileo was poked in his eyes as he was thinking ahead and telling the truth when vast majority of people were ignorant. The two scientific examples explain the theory upon which people build satellites when they believed it and the whole mankind is reaping its material benefits.

Philosophy of Religion:

From the philosophy, Adi Sankara postulated the theory of “Advaida” – non duality; which states that “You and God are one and the same and as you are ignorant you cannot realize it”. Those who believed this theory were enlightened and attained godhood and those did not believe remains ignorant and suffering in life.

The point I am making is everything starts with a Theory or philosophy as satellite communication from Newton’s law and enlightenment from advaida. If we don’t believe the theory or philosophy it does not work for us and when we believe it works – very paradoxical but that is the way it is.

THEORY OF KINDLE LIFE:

Having explained what is theory and philosophy; let me present the “Philosophy of Personality Development”. In this series Kindle Life we have commenced our journey to explore our capability to exploit the human potential to attain material and spiritual gains in life. I am of the view that there is no conflict between material and spiritual attainments as both require the same progress in our stature which is nothing other than “Behaviour”. After all the difference between two human beings is none other than the behaviour in a given circumstances. Before we proceed further with a cook book approach to personality development, we need to agree on fundamental belief that:

We wish to change for the better.
We can change if we choose to.
We are the creator of our own destiny

If any one of us coming from a paradigm that all circumstances in which I am today is the result of all external factors other than me, Kindle Life is not their cup of tea!! When we come with a paradigm that others should change for our life to become better, it is a good recipe for “not doing anything in life”. For changing one’s life course, it is very important to believe that all the mess in our life was created by us! It is hard, but that is what the foundation of change management at individual life is all about. Many of us feel that our parents “should have” done better things for us – sending us to a better school etc. The only role expected from our parents is “ensuring that we are alive till we were on our feet!” All creations can look after it just the moment it has born except human being – the fish can swim; a calf can run and so on. We would have died if the parents would not have looked after us when we were a baby! Let us not expect anything else from them and be thankful to them.

Before we proceed further, we need to agree on few fundamentals which I will be using throughout Kindle Life. I call them “Basic Assumptions”. Here they are:

1. My stature is the active ingredient for the progress I will make in my career & personal life.

2. We are the creator of our own destiny

3. We can change if we really wish to.

4. Training my mind is like developing my biceps in a gym. If I can train my biceps, I can train my mind as well.