Pragmatic Spirituality - Money is the Future

The state of Human beings now

Many of my blog followers have requested me to write some topics connected to the essence of Veda in a simple way, which a common man can put to use. I titled this topic as “Pragmatic Spirituality” as it can be applied in our day-to-day life to improve its quality. In the name of civilization human race has lost ‘Peace’ which is the essence and purpose of life. Veda proclaims that our true nature is “Ananda” which means ‘happiness’. But we see an average modern man is always like a taught rubber band for some unknown reasons. There is a syndrome called “Zikernic Effect” after the name of the Russian psychoanalyst who explained this. This syndrome explains the state of the modern human beings who are always in a state of incompleteness and keen to complete some pending actions hoping that they will be happy there after. This never happens as Dr. Richard Carlson said “Your inbox will never be empty” and always there are actions pending in our life. 

Learning from the great masters ever since I had the privilege to get exposed to the subject of Veda I have been constantly attempting to alter my normal state of being, which by default used to be ‘Miserable’. Just like thermometer, if there were a ‘happiness meter’, which could measure your happiness level it will indicate that most of us are always in the RED zone of misery in spite of what we possess or achieve. Earlier I used to invent reasons to be un-happy while everything is going well, by His grace. With the application of the approach in this series I have converted myself as a person who is, by default, happy most of the time.

Even any situation tumbles me I swing back like a karate champion to my ‘peaceful’ state; if I can do it, why not you? Are you ready? Since you have read this far that in itself shows you are already spiritually initiated irrespective of any religion or caste. By the way what I am covering here is nothing to do with any religious belief but a science if you may wish to call it, which you will agree in due course. The reason I titled this series, as “Pragmatic Spirituality” is it converts the abstract Vedic knowledge into a ‘cook book’ application rules, which you can practice like learning to ride a bicycle. You may fall down a few times, but if you persevere you will get there.

“Veda” – The life saver:

Veda is the essence of our culture and tradition but long forgotten as it is “out of fashion to talk about spirituality”. It is reserved for old age when you have nothing else to do. Very strangely we ruin our entire life in pursuit of wealth as the famous adage says, “We sacrifice our health for wealth and spend all it to get back our health”. Let us examine the role of money in bringing happiness into our life.

Strangely, we never respect what we already have and give importance to what we don’t have! Rajneesh once said, only when you have headache we recognize that we have something called head. We often take our relationship granted when all is well and cry when the person has departed. Rajneesh says, ‘we cry due to the unfinished relationship with that soul’; if we have lived our life fully well with that person we will never cry and say good-bye to them.

One commodity, which is missing in the developed world, is peace or else why 30% people in the US are consuming sleeping pills and spend maximum of their earning with the ‘Psychoanalysts’? It is increasingly becoming evident that ‘Happiness is not hiding in material wealth’. The modern society has mixed up with ‘happiness’ and ‘money’ without realizing that there is no cause and effect relationship between them. I am not recommending you to stop earning money; but all that I am appealing to you is ‘Money has no power to give you happiness’.

Money – The new Paradigm

In this issue let me deal with ‘Money’ as the topic. Recently I happened to listen to a debate whether money is “Past” or “Future”. For those who don’t have money, it is the “future” and for those who have it is “Past”. But Veda says that whether you have money or not still you can inculcate the state of mind of both at your will. Ramakrishna Paramahansa was believed to have kept gold in one hand and mud in another and dropped both of them in the Yamuna River. For a common man he was “Mad” and they moved him to asylum. The pity is “the common man chasing wealth appears to be mad in the eyes of an enlightened person and vice versa”. The madness depends on what state one looks at the other. 

For the vast majority of us, ‘Money is the future’ – in fact we spend our whole life in pursuit of money with a hope that ‘One day we will be happy’ after having enough bank balance. Strangely we chase it in spite of what wealth we have and the game never ends. In fact there is only one purpose of life for many and that is earning money. Looking at the past life of people like Michel Jackson, Marlin Monroe and the similar celebrities like Elvis Presley who had all that they wanted in their material life but finally killed themselves. It seems that the other side of the material wealth is “Emptiness” because it is not all that is easy to kill oneself unless he or she losses all hope in life. The biggest disappointment for these people might have been they expected some sort of great happiness and found none.

Paradigm of Power

In the corporate life we came across people like Steve Jobs who made all wealth and power in their little span of time called life. Strangely they were expelled from the very institution they have built fondly. Now there is news that the board of Microsoft is preparing to expel its founder Bill Gates as he is giving away all his wealth to the poor. We find many people who earned maximum in their life suddenly become philanthropic and wanted to give away what they earned to the needy. It is strange to notice this feeling that dawns on those who saw the other side of the wealth. If they feel hording gives happiness, why they do the reverse of it? Why these people finally finding it is empty on the other side of the material pursuits; while the common man is mad after money?

Money is ‘Past’ or ‘Future’

There are people seeking enlightenment like Buddha sitting in Himalayan caves alone in peace and solitude while the common man feeling lonely in the crowded market place!! Gautama relinquished all the ephemeral pleasures, which he was enjoying till he was 29 and suddenly found emptiness in them. It is not all that is easy for any human being to throw away pleasures of a kingdom and walk out like a beggar. For Buddha “Money is the past” and for a common man “Money is the future” – it is the attitude towards money and nothing to do what we have. Happiness comes not out ‘what we have’ but from ‘what we think we have’.

The two paradigms “Money is the future” and “Money is the past” has different driving forces in our behaviour. If we agree, “Money is the future” we become mad after it and go all out to amass wealth and die one day like a street dog without seeing the other pleasures of life. If we agree the Vedic message that “Money is the Past” it has less influence on us. Let me explain little more in detail. One of the famous adage says, “You are as rich as much you can spend” – which means although one may have million dollar he can eat only two or three chapattis and not hundred at a time. In this context the money is treated as “Past”. This paradigm gives you a notional feeling that you are rich. This happiness is coming out of the feeling that ‘Others don’t have’ and hence you are happy.

An anecdote:

There was an occasion when Toyota organized a meet for all “Lexus” car owners during the initial days they have launched when the car was very exclusive. Each owner who came to the meet thought that there might be only 5 or 10 cars there, but to their surprise there were thousands of Lexus parked in the lot and they found even difficult to locate their car!! This has disappointed them as so many of the people have the same car what they possessed. This shows that our happiness is not coming from what we have – but what others don’t have!! Don’t you think that this is a sadistic pleasure?

Summary

In summary, if you go by the paradigm “Money is the future” one become a mad goose who chases the happiness through wealth. If you choose “Money is the Past” the wealth looses its ability to make them happy. The best way to live peaceful life is to understand that there is no cause and effect relationship between money and happiness. Veda says that “Material possessions can never give you happiness” as happiness is the state of the being already. All that is needed is turn to your true nature and instantly you will be happy.

Swami Maharishi Mahesh Yogi once said that “Human beings saying that they are not happy is like fish saying it is thirsty – all that the fish has to do is open its mouth and allow the water to go into its being.” He says that we have to make up our mind to be happy and not to seek from material wealth.

Kindly click the icon "No comments" below to add your views and comments about this post. Your feedback is invaluable for me to continue this effort.

Be Happy from this moment and forever! God bless you.

Love

NC

Myths & Matters: 8. Children must be disciplined & controlled

The Myth - Moment of Truth:

I have recently seen a popular Tamil movie “Santosh Subramanyam” which is about the feeling of young Santosh who goes through under the disciplinary regimental father Subramanyam. Subramanyam always wanted to take all decisions on behalf of his son Santosh right from the day he has born till he was 24 years old. Santosh never shows any reaction as a dissident child till he falls in love with a girl of his choice ‘Hasini’. Being an obedient son he is in a dilemma to announce his decision to marry her without the consent of his family, father in particular. He musters courage one day and tells his family about his affair and asks their permission for Hasini to live along them for a week to study and approve her as a member in their family. Subramanyam reluctantly agrees to this suggestion although he was upset about his son’s choice of his partner without his permission.

As you would have rightly guessed Mr. Subramanyam ensures that Hasini was rejected although all other members of the family liked her. The story goes like this and at the end Santosh breaks down and tells his father all his life’s experience with him where he was suffocating by his choices of all his needs right from the dress he was asked to wear, the food he was forced to eat, the schools & course he hated to study and so on. I was on tears when I heard the last punch dialogue Santosh spoke saying, “Dad! I hated all the non-living things you forcibly gave me such as the shirt I did not want to wear, the food I did not like to eat and the job I did not want to do. All those things could not speak to me saying I did not like them; they cannot because they have no life – similarly I also could not tell you that I did not like all that you have forced on me out of my love and respect for you”. Mr. Subramanyam realizes his entire attitude towards his son and realizes that ‘He was living through his son to fulfill all that he has missed and ended up ruining a youngster’s life’.

  

We as parents recognize the fact that the baby needs someone to make the choices what milk to drink, what napkin to wear etc. But unfortunately we end up doing this all through the life of the child without recognizing the fact they have their own choices to make. As the child grows even before the teen age it wishes to make choices on as many items as possible. We as parents in the name of discipline want to control them as a tyrant and make them to hate us. From our standpoint we feel that we are loving them and doing all for their good; but on the contrary we snatch away the freedom from our children to make choice.

What Matters?

Paradigm Shift-1: Don’t snatch the Decision Making skills

One of the qualities of Leaders is ‘Decision Making’ which is vital for occupying leadership positions. The children who grow in an ambience where all decisions on even mundane matters took by their parents loose their ability to make decisions. Parents who are autocratic and never give freedom for their offsprings to take decision often get stuck in their career.

Paradigm Shift-2: Don’t be a Control freak 

Among the various modern psychology models FIRO-B (Fundamental Interpersonal Relationship Behaviors  is one of the popular relationship skills models. The researcher says ‘One has to have balance in the tendency to control others and getting control by them’. For some unknown reasons we always wanted to control others but never want others to control us. This imbalance shows that one has an adjustment issues and often end up as abrasive character. Mr. Subramanyam character in the movie I sighted above is a maniac for controlling everyone in the context of ‘feeling he is doing something good for them’. Please try and find out whether our loved ones are feeling suffocated by our over nurturing.  Try and enjoy being controlled by your children as you grow.

Paradigm Shift-3: Self-discipline is the best

There was a research done few years back which shows that the children of both parents employed are better in academic performance as well as in taking responsibilities. It also applies to children grown in hostel who are self-made than the children pampered by their parents. The reason was they were accustomed to take care of themselves right from very young ages as their parents were away. Loosen your controls then you will find children start blossoming.

Paradigm- Shift-4: You wanted freedom when you were young!

When we were young we felt suffocated by our parents controls as they were thrusting all their decision on us pertaining to all aspects of our life. But when we have become parents we do the same thing upon our children, which we hated. Is it not a double standard? Please follow what Jesus said, “Do unto others whatever you want them do unto you”.

Paradigm- Shift-5: Children grown with freedom are better leaders!

Human being’s self-esteem is the function of what they think about themselves. The sense of accomplishment is the key for self-respect, which stems from the individuals achieving something on their own. When we were young, our parents enjoyed their freedom to control us, which lead to a syndrome what Wayne Dyer calls it as “Approval seeking”. For every little thing we were looking for approval from our parents and when it was not validated we felt devastated. One of my seniors in his forties used to ask his father’s approval for everything he wanted to do – silly things like what pills to take when he was suffering from headache. His colleagues used to ridicule him saying he won't even go to toilet without his parent’s permission. Develop your children by letting them to take decision and tolerate even if they are wrong some times. What is important is they are learning to take decision on their own or else they will be followers throughout their life.

Wish you a great life ahead. Many more myths to follow.

Love

NC

Myths & Matters:7 - Parents must choose the life partner for their children

Moment of Truth

I don’t know from which part of the World you may be reading this post and see the relevance of this topic for you. If you are from the West you may wonder why I have chosen this topic and if you are from India you may like to read on. Even if you are from the West would you still like to read further out of curiosity of this topic? Why not as you may get to know how human values are funny & different at different parts of the World. One of the myths that troubles parents these days is the belief that they only should arrange their children’s marriage. Due to this reason they are always anxious once the children reaches the teens to figure out whether their children is in relationship with someone. They are very watchful when they talk too long in their cellphone or too often noise of SMS receipt heard or when they lock up in their room and hooked on to the Internet. Strangely even parents who selected their partner on their own expect this option. Let us explore how to deal this “peace killer”. To do that we need to go little deeper to understand what is marriage and its social needs in the first instance.

The concept and purpose of marriage is different at different part of the world – in the West it is a companionship for the ‘time being’ and in the East it is a lifetime mutual commitment – living for each other as Rajneesh once said, “Marriage is the union of two souls”. Depending upon the paradigm the issue will take different level of importance in our life. Once when I was travelling in the UK someone asked me ‘How old is your marriage?’ for which I answered “25 years”. He was astonished and screamed, “How the hell are you living with the same woman for a quarter century?” The Western mind could not comprehend that one could live with the same person for such as long period. I remember a nice joke “Marriage is the costliest way of getting your laundry done”. Another interesting statement by Mark Twain “I feel lonely in the absence of my wife but feel suffocated in her presence!” These are from the West as you could see the way in which they portray the marriage.

In each country the laws are made around the belief; for example legalizing gay marriage in the West, which India would never do! It does not mean that there is no gay in any other country! In the so-called developed countries when the children reaches 16 they are eligible for motorcar license and to choose their partner. For all practical purposes they are “Adults” as the parents have to let-go off their offsprings at that point in time. The parents of those countries may be happy about this situation, as they have no responsibilities for their children. I have heard from many of these parents saying, “We have sacrificed our life for them so far and it is time to enjoy our holidays henceforth” They may be convincing them saying, “Birds drive away their little ones once they learn to fly and take care of themselves!” Human mind always find a way of escaping from realities. Animals come handy to refer at these circumstances; we say animals do ‘this’ or ‘that’. We also say sometimes ‘we are not animals’ – it depends upon the circumstances. USA is a land of freedom and all laws are formulated to protect the individual rights to choose but India is a conservative society got mixed up with its own traditional values and the Western influence due to colonial rule. We are neither here nor there. I like the concept ABCD – ‘American Born Confused Desi’ portrayed in one of the Hindi films.

Vast majority of Indian grown parents migrated to US wants to return back to India when their child is 11 years old particularly more so if it is a daughter as they feel they may lose control on their child and it may become astray. They are forced to let go the glamour of the developed country for which they went there for the sake of their desire to control their child. The attraction the land of US provided all along vanishes suddenly when they reach this stage of parenting! Quite strangely they picked up everything of ‘American’ – fast food, American accent, etiquette and other values but why not letting go off of their children as well? The so-called “India – the dirty country where their children could not use the toilet when they came for vacation has suddenly become a heaven?”

The reality is that they don’t want to let go off of their string of control attached to the children proving the old adage “Children never grow in the eyes of their parents” We want them dependent on us for ever. In fact the conflict between parents and child starts when they reach their teens as Rajneesh once said, “If your child refuses to obey you please check their birthday – you may find they have reached thirteen”. Why the child in the first instance asserts itself suddenly? What is the psychology? Parents suppress all emotions of the child ever since it has born and feel they are powerful till the child says ‘No’ to them. That is the moment of truth in which they realize that they have no power over them. For some unknown reason we want to control others while we hate to be controlled!

When I was young my mother used to tell us that she got married when she was nine years old as on those days child marriage was not illegal. She bore her first child when she just attained her puberty at 13 and delivered 14 babies till her menopausal. She said once, “I used to have one baby in my hand and another in my stomach!”. My father was a doctor and professor in maternity who managed all deliveries of babies at home – no medical expenses!! In addition to perennial pregnancy the torture she went through by her tyrant in-laws was far worse than apartheid of South Africa. Compared to the previous century women of India who were asked to jump in the fire of their husband’s cremation, my mother was in a better place! Atrocity over woman in this country was unexplainable on those days and no better these days as well. I am deeply thinking why on those days child marriage was rampant? Parents wanted to choose the life partner of their child and were afraid that if the child has reached the adulthood it would be difficult to force their choice. This old paradigm still lingers in the modern parents mind due to which they feel that they are wiser to choose the life partner for their children.

I know many family relationships between parents and children have broken forever due to the reason their son or daughter has married someone without their consent.  More than anything else his or her children married someone from other caste although may be the same religion. Whatever could be the reason the end result was suffering for both the parties on this context. The problem is due to European adulteration in India due to colonial rule for centuries – we have mixed up with our native values and western mindset. This blog is not to advice the younger generation to choose arranged marriage or vice versa; but to reeducate the parents to deal with these situations without loosing their peace in their life.

What Matters? 

Here is a story: One atheist wanted to prove that he is smarter than the evolved Masters. He kept on going to each master and asked them, “Will you explain the entire Doha in the shortest time possible? – I will stand on one leg as long as possible till it pains and stand on two legs; that is all the time you have to explain the entire Doha” Most of the masters gave up saying “Doha is made up of several volumes and you idiot; how anyone can explain all that in such a short time?” The atheist was happy that he won and went on testing all masters. Finally one of the masters said, “Beta I don’t need that long a time to explain the essence of Doha”. The guy was shocked and thought the master is pulling a fast one and asked him to go ahead. The master said, “The Doha says ‘Treat everyone as you would expect them to treat you’ – rest all the commentary” 

What relevance this story has anything do with our context? When we were young we had certain expectations from our parents but when we become parents we change our rule towards our children and impose many rules, which is impediments to their development. The parent child relationship is the result of certain way we relate to our children – the following paradigms would give you some insights:

Paradigm-1: Be wise to distinguish what cannot be controlled

Many parents are deeply attached to their children right form their toddler stage and continue to remain that way even when they are grown as adults. They believe that their children would do everything with their consent and get devastated when they come to know that their children have already chosen their life partner and decided to marry them. Sri. Ravishankar once said, “Expectation reduces the joy of life”; it is extremely important to note what level of expectations to set particularly with our children. Bagwan Lord Krishna says in Gita, “We must live life like the lotus flower which has born, grows and dies in water but never makes contacts with it – similarly human beings must learn to develop a detached attachment with everything & relationship in their life!”. It may sound philosophical and impractical to adopt but remember philosophy is not an empty bragging but a practical wisdom to avoid miseries of life. As the children grow please develop a mindset to let go to their choices.

Paradigm-2: Why Children settles scores with parents?

Unconsciously parents tend to control their children right from they have born and this repressed emotions develop an animosity in the sub-conscious minds of their children. The volcano simmers waiting to explode which happens when they reach their teen age. They start doing everything that their parents would not like. The only way we can avoid is by stopping the domination over our children. It is difficult as we are so used to control our child and changing our style requires constant practice. In fact selecting a partner which parents wont like is also a manifestation of suppressed anger.

Paradigm-3: Create a credential with your child

Parents are the primary source of inspiration for their children as is proved by many offspring of artists. We find almost all cine actors’ sons become actors and music composer’s sons become composers. It is a big responsibility on the parts of the parents to develop credentials with their children, which is important for them to feel that they will be better off with the guidance of the parents. Many parents are not setting a good example to their children and hence they are not role modeling them. If you want your children to seek your advice you will have prove to them that you are a source of resource for them. Many children seek their parents help to select their partners these days which is the result of their assessment of their parents as they feel that they will look at all angles than them.

Paradigm-4: Religion & caste divide us – conspiracy of priest

The prophets visited this planet have attempted to transform the human beings to a better way of living and never proposed a religion to follow. They have transcended their ego and were not looking for the number of their followers. After the prophets departed from their human form their followers have vested interest for controlling the innocent people and created the religion to force them through dogmas & rituals. In essence I am of the view that the purpose of religion if any is to unite people and not for creating hatred. But it has divided people into million caste and sub-caste creating enormous animosity among us. The belief and rituals have become the main stream of life leaving the value aside. I may appear to you as an ‘Atheist’ or a rebel because I am challenging the forces that have created havoc for mankind; but think carefully what is important is human value and not the religion or caste. When your offspring chooses to marry someone from other caste or religion please see the character and values of their family and not their belief. I have witnessed many pairs co-exist together in harmony following their religion or embracing the other religion gracefully.   

Paradigm-5: Relationship is more important than our ego

Please remember your love towards your children and their happiness is of paramount importance and not your ego. When your children announce their decision to marry some one of their choices, don’t get hurt that they have ignored you and allow your ego to pop up. Swami Sukhbodananda says ‘EGO’ is ‘Edging God Out’ which means that once ego is present you have edged divine out of you. These states make you to retain your hurt feeling and prevent you from accepting your children’s decision and forgive them. When you retain the feeling of hurt ‘you are hurting yourself more than the others’. I know parents suffered high BP due to retention of feeling of hurt and became all right the moment they forgiven their offsprings.

Paradigm-6: Children select better partners sometimes

I know many cases where children selected a best partner, which parents themselves would not have selected. The choices made by their children might belong to other caste but they don’t see this as a barrier. I notice these parents gracefully accepted their children’s choice and performed their marriage and blessed them. Their religious practices may differ between two families but they learned to co-exist together.

Paradigm-7: Getting even with children destroys our health & peace

Our life has its own path and purpose and when we get even with our children for having chosen their own life partner, we get even with them through out our life. Once the relationship got strained between the parents and child both of them cannot live happily which affects their peace in many forms. When the peace is lost it starts eating us out leading to many physical disorders. One of the greatest wisdom I heard is “People don’t die due to what they eat; but due to what is eating them!” Remember to purge all your suppressed emotions and your health will become normal without any medication”

Paradigm-8: Be a facilitator – not a decision maker for children

Remember you are not the dictator of your family in particular to your children. In people management there is a concept called ‘Situational leadership’ which preaches that there is no one single way you can lead people. It depends upon their maturity levels. This applies to our children as well. As the children grows parents need to shift from highly directive behaviour to participative, collaborative and finally delegation style. If parents continue to behave like a dictator even as the children grow the problem starts. Learn situational leadership skills as your children grow.

 

Paradigm-9: Everyone wants ‘Freedom of choice’

All creations in this planet like freedom of choice. One of the greatest thinkers defined Maturity as, “The ability to express one’s own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts & feelings of others”. When we go to the restaurant we try and impose the dishes we like the most to our family. Often we wonder how someone can like a dish, which we dislike the most and the colour we hate the most becomes the best choice of other. Remember, you need a large heart to let your loved one’s to make their choice.

  

Paradigm-10: ‘Let go’ of children

The most important philosophical fact is “We cannot possess anything in our life which includes your own children. In the ultimate analysis nothing matters”. I remember a statement in the old train coaches where I travelled reads as “Carry less luggage and make your travel pleasant”. This applies to the life as well – as we grow we need to learn to lessen our luggage, which is our expectations and attachments – If we don’t do this, our life journey will not be pleasant. Be wise to relinquish your greatest attachment with children learning from the less developed species – the birds & animals.

Let Love & harmony prevail in your family

Many more myths & matters to follow

Love

NC