Myths & Matters - 2.0 "Freedom spoils our Children"

Prelude:

In this series titled as "Myths and Matters" I am presenting few "Moments of Truth" that unfolds in our life as a wisdom after we suffer due to false understanding of our relationship with our loved ones or life events. When this wisdom dawns on us we have nearly finished our life and hardly left with few years to apply these wisdom to achieve peace of mind. It is prudent to learn from other's mistakes, as we may not have time to commit all of them by ourselves, as life span is insufficient to do that. In this series I briefly cover one topic at a time about the false understanding as "The Myth" and offer few suggestions under the heading "What Matters". Please note the serial number that appears on each topic to keep track of the serial. Although there is no sequence for reading, you will be benefitted if you read these topics in sequence for best results. I shall post one topic every Sunday to keep continuity and sustain your patronage. If you find these topics useful, kindly join this blog as follower to get automatic update through your mail when I publish any new post. I would appreciate your comments at the end of this blog, which will act as a feedback for me to improve my blog in the future. Your feedback is the manure for me to continue this effort. Wish you Happy reading & peaceful life ahead.

The Myth:

Yet another traditional story we have listened to and strongly believed was “Giving freedom to children will spoil them”. We somehow find data to reinforce this belief by sighting many drug addicts who went astray. One of the strongest fears that grip the modern day’s parents is the “Worry of their children’s future”. Those who have gone to US in pursuit of clean roads and material possessions are deeply concerned when their children are reaching their “Teens” and many of them wanted to come back as they feel India is a relatively safer place for the upbringing of their children. Strangely these are the same parents once fashionably said that their children don’t like Indian toilets when they visit for vacation.

I heard about one of the parent’s stories who live in the US. The father in his forties have ground half of his teeth while sleeping out of stress due to the worry of his children which shows how deep subconscious these feelings are. Alas! Where are we heading? We want the material of US and values of India – strange combination! Ironically Indians are moving towards the west and they are coming to India for learning tranquility.

In the modern era parents provide cell phone to their children as they believe they can track the where about of their offspring’s. I belong to the “Older generation” as I have transitioned from the pre-independence era to the space age in my lifetime. Probably I have lived during the most revolutionary technology age from gramophone to smart phone. Many parents fear when their child is closing the door and sitting in the computer as the Internet has done as much damage to mankind as value creation as any technology; it is a double edged sword. These days television, missed calls and SMS create as much menace in the children life distracting from the main agenda of their development.

What Matters?

When we grew up we felt suffocated by the monitoring of our parents and wanted to run away from their clutches to a land of freedom. I agree when we were toddlers we needed frequent change of diapers and feeding or else we would have died. But the problem is we forget our own feelings when we grew up and thrust many dogmas and rules upon our children. Think for a moment about us – we also gave enough trouble to our parents but when we transitioned to adulthood to middle age, we became so responsible (except few of course!). 

As the civilization progresses more and more information explosion will take place which is accessible to the growing children. When I was young all that I knew was where the village ends is the end of this planet. On the other hand please see the modern day’s children; they are more informed and aware of many things. Worrying about our children is like sitting in a rocking chair – it keeps you busy but does not take you anywhere. Some tips to overcome this worry and get into actions:

Tip-1: Teach Principles when they are young

In the formative years the small child absorbs values in an un-conditional manner, as it has no filters. Conditioning of the militants proves this, which is always on very young children. Please teach principle centricity through epics (Parables, Ramayana and Mahabharata) and you will be surprised they will become value-based children when they grow. When my children were very young, I used to make it a point to read and share good thoughts from the books I used to read. Although they yawn and feel sleepy it had deep impact on their character. Now they are grown and used to say “Dad when you read from books it appeared that we did not understand; but now we feel all of them have sunk into our sub-conscious and guide us now in our life.

Tips-2: Plants grow & flower blossom on their own

You cannot make a flower to blossom by force, as it is a natural process. If you put a seed and pour water, it will germinate on its own as the seed has the intelligence to sense the ambience. If you are curious and disturb the seed by digging and checking out whether it is growing, it will die. On the other hand if you pour more water or manure thinking it will grow faster, then also it will die. The only way you can see the seed become a seed link; plant and tree later to bear fruit, you have to be patient and facilitate rather than suffocate. Your child is also like the seed, which has come to this planet with infinite possibility, and you should nurture and facilitate rather than stifle its flow.

Tip-3: Be a coach and not a Master

“The plants don’t grow under banyan tree” is the old adage, which means that excessive shade kills the plant. Similarly parents who are over protective have killed the originality of their children. Their intention is not bad but their process is. I always find the children whose parents have behaved like a coach and mentor love to stay with them but the ones whose parents were tyrant have disappeared. Be a resource for their growth and never think we are more intelligent than them because we are their parents.

Tip-4: Don’t try to possess them

I may sound philosophical if I say “Don’t be possessive of your child as it has come to this planet to fulfill the divine intent”. The feeling of possession always causes trouble. If you have feeling of possession, then you start controlling it. No one likes to be controlled in this planet; check out your own feeling when someone tries to control you. Please read my previous topic where I have covered my commentary on prophet Khalil Kibran’s poem about our children.

Many More Myths to follow

Love

NC