Parenting - Walk the Talk

For some unknown reason children try to role model their parents as they are the first source of understanding the World. In the movie field most of the offsprings of the famous artist have followed their father's foot print. It is believed that the 'conditioning' happen when the child is in the womb. My mother used to read lots of scriptures when she was pregnant. I was influenced by her spiritual inclination later reading & listening about spirituality.

This phenomenon makes the parents very responsible in their quality of thinking & actions. When the child is small, we generally feel that they cannot understand many things and we behave loosely in front of the child. The fact is even a 1 year old child can make out many things although may not be able to articulate.

ANECDOTE:

When my children were very young we wanted them to be vegetarian and avoid drinking coffee & tea which was one of the practice in the south. I used to eat non-vegetarian food but I did not want my son to know because we wanted him to be vegetarian. This is a stupid approach which I learned later.

When my son was 2 years old I used to bring NV food to my house and eat inside a locked room. As an young parent thinking we are clever, I used to think my son has not noticed my act. This went on for sometime. At some point in time when my son was 4 years old, our pediatrician suggested to give chicken soup to our son to improve his health.

Me and my wife decided to let go our son to taste NV considering his health. When I told my son "You can eat NV now as I also eat". I was under an impression that it will be a news for him. But my son said, "Dad I knew that you are eating NV" which was shock of my life. I asked my son how he knew my clandestine act which I thought is a secret! He said "I knew when you used to eat closing the door".

This was a "Moment of Truth" in my life where my heinous act was exposed by my innocent child. I felt very shameful at that moment but learned how children observe their parents. From this incident I learned that it is wrong to conclude children are innocent and can't understand many things we do.

When the father is a smoker, he has already lost his rights to advice his son to be a non smoker. But it is a chance still the son may end up as a non smoker. Still the fact remains that the child will believe what their parents are doing is righteous.

In summary

₹ You are the first source of inspiration to your children.

₹ The learning from parents starts from the womb and never underestimate their ability understand.

₹ It is a very responsible position to be parents once you have off springs as every act of yours has an impact on your child.

₹ Your child will believe what their parents act is the right way to follow. If you get angry and shout, the child will try to imitate you.

₹ Whatever quality you want your child to emulate, you have to acquire those qualities first.

₹ 'Walk the talk' which means 'Practice what you preach'.

If you wish to have responsible child, better you become a responsible person first.

With whole of my heart

NC

Parenting - Love builds your child's persona

In psychology they discovered that the strongest emotions of human being is "The people need me" - the act of needing attention. Many people commit suicide when they feel they are not needed.

Anecdote:

When I was nine years old fell sick due to typhoid and was indisposed for while. I remember the attention extended to me by my parents which is memorable even today. They got me everything I asked for including the 'bun' from the nearest bakery everyday! Looks funny now but their love made all the difference in my persona. Parental love acts as manure for building the persona of the child.

I also remember till I refused, my mother used to apply oil and bathe me every Saturday which was the custom in the South India. The kind of love what father extends is far different from the mother. My father used to insist that I must be carried all the time by our servant even when I was a boy of 7 years old.

My son once got hurt while playing and kept in hospital for observation. On the day of discharge I asked him what he wants and he said 'I want a Ferrari car'. It was a holiday and all shops were closed. Me and my wife made one of the shop keeper to open his shop and bought the Ferrari car toy for him. My son Naveen even today mentions this act of his parents fondly.

Me and my wife used to squeeze in the Jawa motor cycle with my daughter on the fuel tank and son in my wife's lap and take them wherever we go. There can be no week end entertainment without them.

Why we are discussing these in the context of parenting. What is small and insignificant for you as grown up adults will be very big for your child. When the child is small, the parents are young and have many unfulfilled passion and desires. Due to their priority they ignore the little needs of their baby without knowing the implications.

Lack of parental love leads to militancy which is evident from the punks and indifferent youths in the West. All those who are rebels to social arrangement are the kids who were denied parental love.

Hence if you wish to have a mentally & physically healthy child, then they are your first priority. Today my children are with me in business as well as in life which is the result of our unadulterated love we have shown towards them.

In summary, your love builds your child's persona and if you don't have time for that please get ready to negotiate a rebel soon.

With whole of my heart NC

Spirituality Vocabulary - Mechanics of Vasana

My mechanical engineering mind was always preventing me to understand the 'metaphysical' aspects which are far beyond the cognitive phenomenon. I will try to explain this complex subject of 'Vasana Encrustation' as I understood. This knowledge helped me both in spiritual & material pursuits.

The word 'Encrustation' means 'coating of contrasting material that is applied to the surface as overlay'. If you wish please imagine painting done on a steel part. There is a core material (iron) and a covering which is the paint.

What is the core material here and what is the coating? Let me explain. The soul which is pure is coated with Vasana as Encrustation. Why & how this happen? Please read on:

The existence of a life force Prana or spirit in us is undeniable although science could not find out where it came from and where it resides in our body & where it goes. Scientist were thinking soul is a 'matter' which has mass properties and were trying to weigh the human body just before and after death. This is the stupidity of science which believes everything is matter. In fact science is in the domain of 5 senses where as spirituality is far beyond our senses.

But it is certain that we are animated only due to the presence of the soul. It is like electricity that animates electrical gadgets which can never be seen but its presence can never be denied.

The core is the 'soul' that animates us and the 'Vasana' is the 'coating' that distorts our divinity. Human beings are 'Divine in human form & not human in divine form'. We are nothing other than the creator but made with all imperfections due to 'Vasana' Encrustation. If so how 'Vasanas' are created as a coating upon our soul? I can vouch the creator did not create us what we are today.

We are an empowered gadget like a A 320 aircraft with a pilot but the pilot may crash it due to ignorance of the gadget or deliberate attempt to suicide. From this simile we act in this universe with free will where the creator has no role like the aircraft or its petrol. Just because the pilot crashed the plane one can cannot blame the engine or petrol and file a case against the refinery!

All our selfish thoughts & actions creates a deep impression upon our soul as a coating and bundled up for its destiny as an operating system. In fact you are the one wrote your own operating system and later blame the God & circumstances.

Veda proclaims that the 'soul' is the divine essence and will try to merge with the source where it came from which is thwarted by our Vasanas. A purified human being like Jesus or Buddha has no Vasanas and hence became a prophet who have no rebirth as their soul merged with the divine. Let's look at how our wrong thoughts and tendencies created Vasanas.

We created the discrimination through religion, color of skin, geography, power etc and created a World full of hatred. The violence and crime rate are the highest in last 10000 years. Please see NDTV recent analysis. We are proud of the color of the skin for which we have not done any dam thing to get it. Is it not nonsense? In the last five centuries few people exploited the rest of the blacks all over the World through Apartheid and so on. What rights one human has to make another as a slave just because they are weak & meek?

Being an animal we could not have done all the damages we have done as human to this planet and created all Vasanas that is soon will trigger the 3rd World war. This is the only value add of the human race.

But remember the creator gave discrimination to become Jesus & Buddha and not Saddam Hussain & Genkishkhan.

With whole of my heart

NC

Parenting - Beware of Vasanas

Very strangely we find each child when born are dramatically different in their personality traits which we don't find in the animal kingdom as all tiger cubs are the same in their instincts.

When my daughter & son born, I did not have enough understanding of the 'unseen' aspects of life essence coming to this planet. I thought all children are the same as they come to this planet as a blank 'Disk' and all aspects of their personality are written later. This does not seem to be true.

I have now four little boys as my grand children each one dramatically different from each other !! One is a saintly boy and another is a dare devil ! My quest is where are they bringing this 'Operating system' from? They does not seem to be a 'Blank slate' where we can write our program.

A 3 year old boy in China is playing a Piano like a Master with his little fingers. He never went to any music class. How is this child prodigies are possible?

If your child has born as 'Adi Shankara' you cannot make him 'Tendulkar'. Please don't even try it. I will answer the truth behind this phenomenon in my next post. Till then,

With whole of my heart

NC

Being Noticed & Excellence

A sculpture discarded a statue with a small scratch which will never be noticed by anyone as it is to be installed at an height of 15 feet. When someone asked the sculpture 'Why are discarding when no one will know the scratch'.

The sculpture replied that he knows there is a scratch in the nose of the statue and he is least bothered for anyone's opinion for validating his piece of art.

Ilayaraja the famous music director always used to say 'If you put your signature in everything you do, then it will become a master piece like Monalisa painting'. Hence Excellence is habit as Aristotle said 2000 years ago. When you work for others appreciation you can never produce a master piece. It is difficult to appreciate but true.

An Anecdote:

In a social gathering I was watching every individuals dressed up to best of their ability to get noticed!! In this whole crowd there was no one really keen to notice others and was busy in themselves waiting for someone to say 'they are looking gorgeous'. In fact it was not a true 'gathering' but a Crowd of lone people' looking for attention to fill their empty feeling. Physical gathering does not mean anything as even in VT station there is a gathering.

It was strange that the husband does not notice what his better off is wearing. When we are feeling 'empty' inside we crave for attention and in that state excellence is not possible. When you are full unto yourself like the sculpture, you will leave a legacy in this planet.

Please remember, there is no one out there waiting to notice you because they are busy with themselves waiting to be noticed. Giving too much importance to others opinion is an indication of your 'Emptiness' which will soon lead to depression as others are not going to notice you ! If if they do, most of them fake it.

With whole of my heart

NC

A Thought on New Year Resolution

A young girl when asked about her new year resolution she said "I am going to try to stop eating non-vegetarian"

Please mark the key words 'trying to stop xx'. Can you see the weak and feeble desire. This may be the 'N th' year she may be resolving to do something.

Human beings are the only creation blessed with 'Will' as one of the faculty which is the most powerful armour creator blessed us with. Unfortunately 'Will' is the least used faculty.

Human beings divided the time as day, week etc just to deceive themselves of a future. In reality nothing called time exists as per Einstein theory of relativity.

Why then new year & resolution? It's a good Bhavna for a party and escape from the guilt by merely saying something as 'Resolution'.

If you really want to change any of your habits, why new year? It can be any day! Please look back and ask yourselves how many resolution worked in the past ? Don't cheat yourself and others by this 'Escapism'.

With whole of my heart

NC