How to make marriage work? - Paradigm of Love

One of the most important ingredient for a successful marriage is 'Love' that connects the two human beings. Although the real meaning of the word love is so obvious, the outcome of the relationship before & after marriage is not proving this point. In the modern days "Love marriages" have become common to the extent that, if some one says their's was an "Arranged marriage" it is a stigma in the society. Lets us look at the paradigm 'Love' which is the most abused part of human life which means different to different people.

The statistic reveals that the divorce are maximum among the love marriage! This makes me to think that the so called "love" is a misnomer here as Love is not not a "Contract" for a period as it is not time bound or conditional. If I say to my wife, "I will love you subject to the condition you make a tasty Pulav", which mean that I love Pulav more than my wife! If a condition is attached then it cannot be classified as 'Love' as love is un-conditional. If I love my wife for her physical beautify (as it is in most of the cases), then it will be soon on rocks as beauty is transient. 

Since marriage stems from the concept called 'love' we need to deep dive into this word to see what is the true paradigm. In the west they called having sex as "Making Love", an adolescent boy or girl calls "Infatuation" as love, a devotee like Ramakrishna Paramahansa called his "devotion" to Mother Kali as love. In the adulthood a young boy and girl say "We have 'fallen' in love". It is strange how one can 'fall' in love and if so why it becomes stale after marriage?

The girl and a boy who dated for many years and then married are keen to divorce within a year!! What is that they did not know about each other came to light after marriage? Why when secretive cell phone calls for hours while dating becomes a nagging calls which needs to be cut after marriage? Why roaming away in Coffee shops was so pleasurable while dating and becomes a drudgery after marriage? There is something fundamentally wrong in the paradigm of Love or else these scenarios will not be a reality. From the foregoing content "Love" is the name given to the 'Stupid Lust" which has sex as the motive in all cases of union between a male and a female. Naming 'Lust' as 'Love' is not only stupid but also destroys the sacred meaning of love!

Let us look at the context of 'Love' a mother has towards its baby which starts its genesis in her womb as a single cell and grows into a baby. The mother wants to give away everything for the sake of her child and this emotion is also called Love! Shri. Ramakrishna Paramahansa was declared mad after seeing his profound love towards the deity "Khali" in the Dhakneshwar temple and was separated to Bhelur Mutt across the river Yamuna where he starved to death gazing at the Mother's temple! They were forced to bring him back to the Mother to save his life! What is Love? Is the one all mothers have upon their children or the infatuation of youngsters who divorce after a year?

If someone does not love their spouse after marriage, in all fairness has to admit that they married to fulfill their physical gratification and when job is done they have no more connection with that human being! To make marriage work there must be something connecting the two human beings beyond physical gratification for which an introspection is needed to find whether we truly love our spouse.