Parenting - Relationship with a grown up child

There is a famous proverb which says " Children never grows up in the eyes of their parents". My son is now in early thirties and 6 feet 4 tall. In stature He is the MD of our international business. But still I feel like fondle him as I still see him as an 'Ice cream boy' when he was 3 years old.

Another proverb says "Father's first love is with his daughter". My sweet heart Sashi is in her mid thirties heading our Asia Pacific business. But I still see her as that little girl of 5 who used to sit on my motor cycle fuel tank to have a small ride around our street when I am back home from work. When I try to hug or kiss my children now in public, they yell at me saying 'What people will think?'

Why I am recalling these anecdotes is to illustrate how parents should keep their relations with grown ups. Most of the parents have serious disconnects with their grown up children and they blame their children for ignoring them. In variably the parents attitude with their children as they grow is the root cause of their relationship issues. I found the major cause is parents trying to possess their children and become a control freak.

One of the popular relationship model research shows, the relationship blossoms only when we include that person, be affectionate and don't try to control them all the time.

In this aspect most parents screw up relationship with their children; Almost 99.9999 % of the parents are doing the same. Quite often children harm themselves to punish their parents.

All problem starts with the stupid idea of possessing the children. One should understand 'Life is a bridge to cross over to somewhere and we can only use what we have but cannot possess for ever as death will snatch all of them one day. Remember all of us born with a 'Death warrant in hand except with expiry date blank'.

Almost one million people die everyday. In spite of it we feel we won't be in that list for ever. Alas! What a stupid creation we are!! Drop the idea of possession and you will see Life suddenly becomes a wonderful journey.

I remember the placard in the olden days train "Less luggage makes your travel pleasant". The real issue is we won't change as we ate Apple Jesus warned us not to eat. That Apple is 'Greed to possess'

Jai Gurudeva

NC