Parenting - Obedience

I was born and brought up in Tamil Nadu which has its own upbringing characteristics among which 'obedience' is one among them. I remember my parents saying, 'you should not make eye contact when you talk to elders!'. I was often told not to cross the legs when I sit in front of elders. These childhood conditioning virtually destroyed my ability even today to make 'eye contact & crossing leg' during my consulting visits.

You may argue that 'It is the speciality of Tamilian'. The statistics shows the vast majority of Tamilians are in service and hardly into to entrepreneur career. I would attribute this due to the lack of confidence due to childhood conditioning.

Let's look at what Thiruvalluvar said 1500 years ago: (Translation of the kural)

"If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public"

He says, 'If you keep disciplining your child in the name of control in public, they will not be assertive'.

The meaning of the word 'assertiveness' is 'standing up for rights'. The opposite of assertiveness is 'Inhibitive' which means a timid behaviour of bottling up feelings without expression.

The western people are known for assertiveness and an average Indian is Inhibitive which is predominantly due to parenting. Why we need to be assertive? If one has to be successful in life he or she has to express their thoughts & feelings without the fear of rejection.

In summary:

1. Don't try to control your child 24 hours thinking it is stupid.

2. Allow your child to express its feelings and needs openly with you.

3. If your child don't open up to you it means you are putting it down all the time.

4. Never invalidate your child in public to look good in front of people who have no relevance.

5. Your child will behave like a child only and hence don't feel embarrassed in public.

6. Teach them good things but never discipline them.

Finally your child has born like a Lion and you don't grow him/her like a cat.

Jai Valluvar

With whole of my heart

NC